This Time Forever Read online

  “I’ll come back a little later.” Damon looked at Marc. “Nice to meet you, Marc.”

  Marc watched Damon’s retreating figure. Rebekka studied his expression, but couldn’t see even a hint of his emotions. “I thought you said in one of your e-mails that he was tall,” Marc finally said in French. “He’s only got an inch on me.”

  “That was Samuel.”

  Marc’s dark eyes turned on hers. “Samuel? How many men are you dating?”

  “Just one right now.” She tried to laugh. “Is that why you’re here, to check up on me?”

  Marc frowned. “Actually, yes. I wanted to make sure he’s a nice guy.”

  “Well, he is, as you can see.” She smiled blandly, feeling ice in her heart. She knew Marc hadn’t come to profess his love; he had none in his heart for her. At least not the kind of love she’d once craved from him. In spite of his protestations to the contrary, she bet her parents had put him up to this little “visit.” A cold numbness enveloped her.

  Suddenly Marc reached out and took both of her arms in his hands. Electricity seemed to flow between them. “Are you happy here?” His question was urgent.

  She looked him squarely in the face, her pride and his hands the only things sustaining her. “Yes.”

  He seemed to deflate somehow, as though he’d expected another answer. “I’m glad then.” His voice was almost a whisper.

  He stepped away from her, and she teetered on weak knees. “I’ll let you get back to work. Maybe I can see you later.”

  “Where are you staying?”

  He hesitated in the doorway. “I don’t know yet. I’ll call you. I talked to Brionney on the phone, and she said you were staying with her. If you’re not home, I’ll leave a message.”

  She watched him go, grateful that she felt nothing in her heart. Love does die, she thought. I don’t love him anymore.

  As the numbness gradually wore off, anger took its place. How dare he come here! How dare he check up on me! There were other emotions, too, but she didn’t care to examine them.

  What she needed was to get away from everyone who knew her. She needed to start again, without memories from the past getting in the way and people checking up on her.

  Cincinnati. Of course! That was the answer.

  But Cincinnati meant Samuel. Could she go to Cincinnati and work with Samuel without dating him? She thought of his green eyes and his unveiled desire for her. No; if she went to Cincinnati something would develop between them, that much was certain. He would treat her like a queen. Would it be enough? She could fall in love with him easily—maybe not with the wholehearted emotion she’d once experienced for Marc, yet it would be love all the same. But once committed to him, would she regret the fact that they didn’t share the gospel? Could she live with the possibility that he might never accept what she believed to be an irrevocable truth?

  “Better than being alone,” she whispered. “We could be happy. He’s a good man.” Her hand stole to the phone and dialed the cell number she had never called but had long since memorized. “Hi, Samuel?”

  “Rebekka!” His voice sounded happy.

  “I’ve decided to take you up on your offer. If it’s still open.”

  “Yippee!”

  “But what about an earlier flight?”

  “Funny you should mention that. We had a few problems crop up here, and I talked to Damon about half an hour ago. He said he’d send someone today if we could find a flight. I didn’t mention you because . . . well, you know why. But I’d love it if you were the one he sent.” He paused. “I’m glad you decided to come, Rebekka. I don’t think you’ll regret it.”

  “Neither do I.”

  Feeling like she had finally started down the right path, Rebekka hung up the phone. Now she would zip home during lunch and pack a suitcase or two, then return to work until she left for the airport. Tonight she would be in Cincinnati with Samuel.

  * * * * *

  Marc stalked out to his rental car, feeling angry and alone. Seeing Rebekka had only added to his misery. She hadn’t been happy to see him at all. In fact, she had seemed angry at his intrusion. Watching her and Damon interact had been pure torture. Did the other man hold even a trace of the emotion Marc harbored for Rebekka in his heart? He didn’t think so.

  Yet he couldn’t bring himself to confess his feelings for Rebekka now—not when she seemed so content with her life. He had no right, no right at all. She deserved happiness, and even though it hurt unbearably to let her go, he wouldn’t stop her from making a life with Damon.

  He hung his head and wept.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Mickelle had finished weeding in the garden on Tuesday and was emerging from her shower when the doorbell rang. “Brionney,” she said, opening the door in her robe. “Come in.”

  “I just dropped the kids’ lunch off at school, and I thought I’d stop by.” Brionney carried a twin on each hip, and four-year-old Rosalie stood next to her.

  Mickelle took Gabriel from his mother. “My, you and Forest are sure getting big,” she said to him.

  “Can you believe they’re almost a year now?”

  “I’m four and a half,” Rosalie put in. “I’m bigger than them.”

  Brionney rumpled her hair. “Yes, indeed. That’s why you’re such a great baby-tender.”

  As Brionney settled the children on the kitchen floor with a pile of toys, Mickelle went to change from her bathrobe and to brush her hair. Then she applied her makeup in the kitchen while she chatted with her sister.

  “So are you registered for school?” Brionney asked.

  “Not yet, but I know exactly what I’m going to take.” Mickelle grimaced. “I was a little too late to make the deadline this fall. But it’s just as well since I started watching Belle and Tanner. I need to get into a routine with them before I can figure what time to take my classes. At least I won’t have to worry so much about money. Damon does pay well.”

  “I noticed the new car out there.”

  Mickelle sat down at the table, frowning slightly. “You know that man was just going to give it to me?”

  “Sounds like Damon.” Brionney bent to take a toy away from Forest and return it to Gabriel. “He’s shrewd in business, but he’s also generous.”

  “He’s also very forceful,” Mickelle noted. “I guess he gets everything he wants.” She tried to speak lightly, but her voice trembled.

  Brionney sat on the edge of a kitchen chair, still keeping a sharp eye on the twins. “Well, he goes after what he wants, but he doesn’t always get it. I mean, his wife died. I know that he was pretty devastated. And then last year, I think he started falling in love with a friend of ours. When she decided to make a last try with her husband, he supported that decision. He could have fought for her harder, but he wanted what was best for her, so he backed off. For a long time, he was miserable.”

  Mickelle mulled this new information in her mind. The action sounded like the man she was coming to know, but her heart doubted his apparent selflessness. It was all entirely too good to be true.

  “Why all these questions?” Brionney asked, meeting Mickelle’s gaze. “I know—you’re starting to like him, aren’t you?”

  “Of course I like him, don’t you?”

  “You know what I mean. As a man.”

  “No,” Mickelle lied. “I can’t live in any man’s shadow. Not again. And Damon’s got a pretty big shadow.”

  Brionney regarded her for a moment without speaking. “I guess so. But apparently he’s dating Rebekka anyway.”

  “No, he’s not. At least I don’t think so.”

  Brionney looked as though she would question her further, but Mickelle was saved by the doorbell. She answered it to find Jim on her small porch, dressed in his police uniform.

  “Hello, Officer Lowder,” she said with a teasing grin.

  “Hi, Mickelle. You look wonderful this morning.”

  Mickelle glanced down at her tan jumpsuit. “Thank you. Won’t
you come in?”

  “Actually, I’m on my lunch hour, and I have to be getting back to work, but I called you yesterday and there was no answer, so I thought I’d stop and see when we could go out again.”

  She hesitated, recalling Damon and the way he had made her feel—wild, exuberant, happy. But also apprehensive and scared. She couldn’t let herself fall for such a dynamic man. On the other hand, Jim seemed safe, secure. Nice.

  “If this week’s not good, I understand,” Jim said quickly.

  His eagerness made Mickelle feel guilty. “I started a new job.”

  “That’s great!” He smiled and then added quickly, “Isn’t it?”

  She laughed. “Yes, it is. And life has suddenly gotten much busier. But I would like to go out with you sometime. Last time was fun.” No pressure, she added silently.

  He relaxed. “Whenever you’re ready. That’s great.” He moved toward the steps. “I’ll give you a call.”

  Mickelle watched him drive away. “Nice kid,” Brionney said dryly from the kitchen doorway.

  Mickelle bristled. “Kid? He’s your age.”

  “My point exactly. Last I checked, you were about six years older than me.”

  Mickelle shut the door and returned to the kitchen. “So? It’s the new Millennium. Age isn’t important.”

  “It is when one minute you’re acting like you don’t want to go out with him or anyone else, and the next you’re leading him on.”

  Mickelle gaped at her incredulously. “I’m not leading him on! He’s a nice guy. I want to go out with him.”

  “Damon’s a nice guy, too. Obviously there must be some reason he’s not going out with Rebekka anymore. Care to share how you knew that?”

  Mickelle ignored the comment. “You heard for yourself that Jim doesn’t mind waiting. Whatever I want to do, he won’t push.”

  “Neither would Damon.”

  “But what if I wanted him to push?”

  “What?” Then understanding dawned. “So you are attracted to Damon. And not at all to Jim. In other words, he’s safe.”

  The words ate into Mickelle’s heart. She’d been thinking the exact same thing. No pressure, safe. She was in control. No heartstrings attached. If he asked her to do something she didn’t want to do, it would be nothing to say goodbye.

  Saying goodbye was the one thing that she was afraid she couldn’t do if she pursued a relationship with Damon. She was too darn attracted to him. Already if she went a moment without him in her thoughts, it was a miracle.

  Her throat felt like cotton, and she swallowed hard before purposely making her voice light. “He’s a cop. Of course he’s safe.” She turned to the kids. “Now would you guys like something to eat here? Or maybe we could talk your mom into going to McDonald’s for lunch.”

  “The boys don’t eat much food,” Rosalie said solemnly. “They mostly still nurse and eat applesauce.” The little girl’s face brightened. “But I bet they’d like to chew on some French fries.”

  “I’ll bet they would,” Mickelle agreed. “And I’ll bet you’d like a hamburger, wouldn’t you, Rosalie?”

  “Yes!” The little girl hugged her.

  Mickelle picked her up. She felt her sister’s penetrating stare at her back but worse were the contradicting feelings in her own heart. She could barely wait until six-thirty, when Damon would come to pick up his children.

  * * * * *

  No one was home at Brionney’s when Rebekka stopped off for her luggage. She breathed a sigh of relief. She had half expected Marc to be there waiting for her, and the last thing she wanted was to face him again. She packed a suitcase quickly, taking much more than she needed for the few days she planned to be gone. Maybe I’ll never be back.

  There, she’d finally admitted it to herself. This new job, Samuel . . . these were her future. She wrote a note to Brionney and laid it on the bed where it stood out, a rectangle of stark white again the burgundy-colored bedspread.

  Feeling suddenly depressed, she left the house and drove back to work.

  * * * * *

  Damon left the office early to stop by Brionney’s house on the way to get Tanner and Belle. She was surprised to see him. “Boy, this is my day for visitors,” she said, motioning him inside the house. “First an old friend from France shows up, and now you.”

  “Oh, is Marc here? I’m sorry for interrupting.”

  Brionney waved the words aside. “He’s actually taking a nap—jet lag, you know. He had stopped by earlier, but I was at Mickelle’s, and I guess he went to see some sights until I returned. He was pretty beat when he showed up here. Said he’d been to see Rebekka, too. I wonder how that went.”

  “I don’t know. I met him, though, when he was there. Seems like a nice guy.”

  “So what brings you here?”

  “I have a few questions. About . . . about Kelle.”

  Brionney’s eyebrows rose. “Kelle? Oh, you mean, Mickelle. Okay. But do you mind if I clean up in the kitchen while we talk? The boys are taking a late nap, and the girls are playing next door. It’s my only time to get dinner started and things organized before the terror twins are back to playing demolition derby.”

  Damon chuckled. “That’d be fine.” He followed her into the spacious kitchen, marveling at how the light and airy feeling of the room made his spirits rise. He sat at the bar, and a moment later Brionney set a healthy serving of leftover spaghetti casserole in front of him.

  “I know you probably haven’t eaten much today,” she said with a smile. “I swear since you and Jesse started Hospitals’ Choice, he’s lost ten pounds.” She smiled indulgently. “Not that he couldn’t afford to lose them.”

  “Thanks.” He dug into the food eagerly with a fork. Brionney was an excellent cook.

  She picked up a dishrag and began wiping the counter. “So what’s up?”

  “Well, I—I just wanted to know what kind of a relationship Kelle had with her husband.” The words came out awkwardly. “If you don’t mind telling me.”

  Brionney threw the dishrag in the sink and came around the bar. “Wait a minute. This doesn’t sound like a baby-sitter checkup to me.” Her bright blue eyes seemed to pierce his heart.

  He shook his head slowly. “I really like your sister, Bri. In fact, I think I love her.” He stood, his food forgotten, and began to pace the tiled floor. “Oh, I know it sounds so stupid. We’ve only just met, and yet I feel something more for her. Something strong.” He walked back to the bar and laid both hands on it. “Have you ever felt anything like that?”

  Her eyes looked at him, but seemed to see something else. “With Jesse,” she said softly. “I was in Arizona to sign divorce papers from my first husband when I met him. Less than a week, no dates, but there was this . . . connection.”

  Damon slapped the bar. “That’s it! A connection!”

  “Jesse still had to prove himself to me,” Brionney said. “After the way my first husband had treated me, I wasn’t ready to trust him right away. But he was so good with Savannah, and so . . . well, so Jesse. I couldn’t help falling in love with him.”

  “What was Kelle’s husband like?” Damon re-seated himself on the stool.

  Brionney’s pleasant expression darkened. “We thought he was great, but there was a lot going on that we didn’t see. He was abusive.”

  “Abusive?” Damon fought a sudden anger in his heart. How could anyone want to hurt Mickelle?

  “Not physically. But he didn’t treat Mickelle right. Or the children. He had a lot of problems mentally. When he was a child he had some sort of an accident, and for many years he had seizures. He became shy and withdrawn. Then he had an operation, and he apparently regressed into his missed teenage years or something. He turned selfish and mean, and all of his worst tendencies came to the forefront of his personality. It was all for him and nothing for her or the children, except when he was feeling magnanimous.”

  “I had no idea,” Damon murmured.

  “Of course, I learned al
l this in retrospect, from stuff Mickelle or my parents have said since his death. I do know Mickelle threatened to divorce him just before he killed himself. For a long time she felt guilty about that, like she had driven him to it.”

  Damon shook his head. “I didn’t realize she’d been through so much.” He clenched his jaw, trying to control his anger at the man he had never known. If he wasn’t already dead . . . He made his hands into fists but didn’t finish the thought. What she must have endured! An overwhelming desire to comfort her filled him. He could make her happy—he would spend his life making up for all she had suffered—if only she would let him.

  “No one knew about it,” Brionney continued. “She always kept quiet. She really loved him.” She paused before adding quietly, “Between you and me, I think their relationship would have eventually worked out. She was that determined. And I think that in his own way, Riley really loved her, too. Certainly he didn’t want to lose her.”

  Damon rubbed his chin, forcing his feelings of anger and helplessness to a far corner of his mind. “Well, this at least partly explains why she reacted the way she did last night.”

  “What happened?” Brionney looked at him curiously, a smile hovering on her lips

  Suddenly embarrassed, Damon stalled for time by picking up his fork and shoveling in a mouthful of casserole. He chewed and swallowed before speaking. “I kissed her,” he admitted finally. “And she kissed me back. But then . . . I don’t know. I think she got scared.”

  Brionney’s brow wrinkled. “I’m not surprised. Two weeks ago, she was telling me that if she were ever to have another relationship, it would have to come into her life with a bang, because she certainly wasn’t going looking for it.”

  “Well, Tan did hit her with his car.” Damon took another bite of food. “That was a bang if anything was.”

  “You could say that.” Brionney laughed, but sobered almost immediately. “I think Mickelle doesn’t want to have to watch everything she says or does. I can relate with that a little. My first husband was very hard to please, and I nearly went crazy trying to reach some goal that was always too high. I know my sister; she’s a wonderful, loving person, and she needs someone, but of course she’s afraid. I think her exact words were something like, ‘I don’t want to be a slave.’” Brionney shivered.