Twice in a Lifetime Read online

  “I—I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have. I was just . . . I miss Marc.”

  He recoiled as if she’d slapped him. “Well, I’m always available—for whatever you need. You only have to ask.”

  She bit her lip, wanting to protest, but understanding that she deserved his scorn. In these past minutes she had used him as a replacement for Marc. She’d used his feelings for her to steal something that wasn’t hers, nor could ever be if she were to remain faithful to her dead husband.

  He sauntered to the top of the stairs leading downward to the bottom floors. “Oh, and be sure to tell Samuel hi, the next time you see him.” His voice was mild, but Rebekka perceived a rebuke. André felt he had Marc’s complete blessing in pursuing her, and he viewed Samuel as his competition—her boyfriend. In his mind, it was Samuel she had betrayed tonight, not Marc. He left then, taking the marble steps two at a time. As she watched, the ache and longing in her heart far exceeded the pain in her abdomen.

  Behind her the door opened. “Rebekka!” exclaimed her mother in the silky voice Rebekka had inherited. “I’m so glad you got back before we left. Isn’t this wonderful? We have our Nadia. Tomorrow I’ll bring over the crib and everything we have ready. Raoul says he wants it in his room so he can hear her if she cries. Isn’t that sweet? He’s going to be such a great daddy.”

  Rebekka nodded numbly.

  “Come in, honey,” her father said, putting an arm around her. “Hey, you’re cold. Where have you been anyway?”

  Rebekka let her parents draw her into the apartment. The words washed over and around her as her family talked and made plans for the future.

  Nadia had fallen peacefully asleep, and Rebekka wished she could join her. Over and over she kept feeling André’s lips against hers, seeing his face as she told him she missed Marc. The guilt she felt at using him was compounded by the knowledge that she wanted him to kiss her again.

  I just miss Marc, she told herself. But when she finally went to bed that night, it was André she dreamed about.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Rebekka spent a busy weekend with Raoul and Nadia. She’d never dreamed there was so much to learn about caring for a baby. Between feedings, diaper changes, and time in the rocking chair, Rebekka rested in her bed. She felt exhausted. The pain in her side was so great that she decided to stay home from church on Sunday. Since Raoul had to teach a class, he left Nadia with Rebekka.

  “Are you sure you can handle her alone?” he asked.

  “Of course. Are you sure you can handle waiting until next week to show her around?” she countered with a smile.

  He laughed. “Well, she is kind of cute. But truthfully, I’d rather we do it together. I’m afraid that one of these times, I won’t be able to get her quiet when she cries.”

  “She’s probably missing Marie-Thérèse. But you do just fine. You’re a great dad.”

  “Then why do I feel like I’m all thumbs? You can change her diaper better than I can, and you have no experience with babies.”

  “Well, I’ve helped Josette out a time or two. But mostly I think it’s the mentality. I’m a woman so naturally I should be able to change a diaper.”

  “Hey, I believe in equal rights.”

  “Good,” she said, passing him the baby, “because I think she just left you a present. If you hurry you’ll have time to change her before you go.”

  After he left, Rebekka lay in her bed next to Nadia. She told herself she was too sick to do anything, but now she’d begun to feel rather better. Was she faking so she wouldn’t have to face André?

  Rebekka groaned. Maybe I should move. What had she and Marc been thinking to stay in the same church boundaries as both their parents and André and his family? Marie-Thérèse and Josette must have known what they were doing by moving farther away.

  But Rebekka didn’t really believe it. She and Marc had both enjoyed being with their families and many of the church members envied their close relationship.

  Nadia was asleep and Rebekka let herself drift until the ringing of her bell signaled a visitor. With effort, she hauled herself to her feet and stumbled to the door. Whoever was there must have gotten in below without ringing her.

  What if it’s André?

  She peeked though the spy hole and saw Desirée on the other side. Rebekka glanced toward her bedroom where Nadia lay sleeping. Had she come because of the baby? Reluctantly, she opened the door but blocked it with her body. “Hi.”

  “Hi, Rebekka,” Desirée said with a thin smile. “Is Raoul here?”

  At least she hadn’t purposely waited until he had left this time. “He’s at church. I wasn’t feeling well, so I stayed home.” To emphasize this, Rebekka tightened her white robe around her.

  “I see,” Desirée paused, apparently uncertain how to continue. Rebekka noticed she was wearing one of the outfits they’d purchased together last week, and she looked nice though there was entirely too much make up on her face.

  “I . . . oh, Rebekka, can I come in for a minute? I need to talk.”

  Rebekka hesitated only a second more. “Sure. I should have asked you before, but I’m not feeling well.”

  “It’s about Nadia,” Desirée said when they were seated in the kitchen where Rebekka could hear the baby if she awoke. “My parents told me Raoul called, that he’d found her.”

  “It’s true.” Rebekka launched into a full account, wondering whether she should let Desirée see Nadia. What if she were to take the baby and run? Rebekka didn’t know if she was strong enough to stop her. Better not to let her know the baby was here.

  “Marie-Thérèse must have been very unhappy,” Desirée said. “I know how much she wanted a baby.”

  “You do?” That surprised Rebekka. Desirée had never appeared to notice what anyone else wanted.

  “We used to talk quite a lot when Raoul and I were dating. I really like her. She never seemed to judge me the way . . .”

  “The way everyone else did.”

  Desirée smile wanly. “Well, they were right.” She twisted her hands on the table.

  “The police still want to do tests to make sure Nadia is really Nadia, though there’s really no doubt.”

  “I could tell you.”

  Rebekka chose her words carefully. “It’s been a long time since you’ve seen her. She’ll have changed a lot.”

  “I’d know my own baby,” Desirée insisted. “I know I was a crappy mother, that I neglected her. I know all that. But I still love her. I need to see her.”

  “You’ll have to go through Raoul. Isn’t that what the divorce says?”

  “It’s not final yet. Not until we go before the judge on Monday.”

  Rebekka stared at her. “What are you saying?”

  “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not going to fight Raoul over Nadia. I know I wouldn’t win. I wouldn’t want to. I’m no good—I know that. At least not now. But I love my baby enough to want her to have a good life. All I’m asking is for you to arrange for me to see her. Talk to Raoul if you have to. Just let me see her and make sure she’s really okay.” Tears formed in Desirée’s eyes. “Please, Rebekka. I can’t sleep at night thinking I’ve killed her. All I see is coffins and dead babies in deserted alleyways. I just want to see her once. To hold her one last time, and then I promise I’ll stay away. I don’t want my daughter to have the kind of life I do. Believe it or not, but it’s true. I know she doesn’t belong with me.”

  Rebekka said nothing as she watched Desirée, trying to measure her sincerity. Like the day they’d gone shopping, she had the distinct feeling her sister-in-law was telling the truth—at least as she perceived it.

  She stood. “Okay, but don’t make me regret this.”

  She motioned for Desirée to follow her down the hall to her bedroom where the door was open. Nadia was still sleeping and hadn’t budged from the middle of the bed where Rebekka had left her. She was lying on her back and didn’t know how to roll to her stomach yet, but Rebekka
had blocked the edges of the bed with pillows to be doubly safe.

  “We were having a nap together when you came,” Rebekka explained. “Raoul had to teach in church today so he didn’t take her. You should see him, though. He just sits and stares at her. Hasn’t been separated from her since Friday night. Takes her everywhere he goes. He’s thrilled to be a dad.”

  Desirée nodded but her eyes were fixed on Nadia. “I knew he’d be a good father.” Desirée moved toward the bed and picked up the baby with a sureness Rebekka wondered if she’d ever feel. Trying to be inconspicuous, Rebekka placed herself in front of the door—just in case.

  Desirée made a small gasp, and for a moment Rebekka felt dread in the pit of her stomach. She almost expected Desirée to say, “This is not my baby. This is not Nadia.” But instead, she murmured, “Oh, she’s grown so much. She’s so big. But she’s even more beautiful. Hi, Nadia. Hello beautiful! It’s Mamma. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Desirée hugged her gently and placed a kiss on her forehead. “You’re going to be just fine with Daddy. He’ll take good care of you. Maybe when you’re a lot older, when your Mommy gets things together, I can come see you again. We could go shopping or out to lunch. I bet you’ll be a good girl, and smart too. I know you’ll have a lot of help.”

  With another kiss on her forehead, Desirée walked to Rebekka and placed the baby in her arms. “Tell her I love her, will you?” she asked. “When she gets older, I mean. It may be hard for her to understand, but I really do love her.”

  Rebekka was touched by the ache in her voice. “If you cleaned up your act, Raoul would let you see her. You would have to gain his trust, but you could do it.”

  Desirée shook her head. “I want to, but I don’t seem to be strong enough—yet. Someday I’m going to be good enough for her, but until then I want her to be happy and have a good life. I don’t want her to be confused, and I don’t want to be a bad influence.”

  She moved past Rebekka into the hall.

  “But—”

  Desirée whirled on Rebekka, her features twisted in anger. “I can’t be a mother, Rebekka! You don’t seem to get it. I didn’t want a baby, and I don’t want to change my life. Someday I will, but not now. I like my life.”

  “You’re lying,” Rebekka said, her own anger rising at the inconsistencies in Desirée’s behavior. “I know you’re lying. You say you want to change, but maybe all it boils down to is that you’re too lazy. Well that’s just fine. Go! Get out! Take care of yourself. Nadia’s no longer your problem.”

  For an instant Desirée’s mouth gaped, but then she nodded slowly. “Just tell her I loved her. Please?”

  Rebekka couldn’t deny her that; for everything that Desirée wasn’t, she did love her baby enough to let her go to a good home.

  “I will,” she promised.

  Satisfied, Desirée left the apartment, leaving Rebekka to stare after her.

  Only a half hour had passed when Marie-Thérèse stopped by with another bag of Nadia’s things. “It’s really just an excuse,” she admitted. “I needed to see her. I wasn’t sure if you’d be home yet from church, but I hoped you would be.”

  “Actually, I didn’t go today. I’m not feeling that well, but church should be over now. Raoul left Nadia with me. He’ll be home soon.”

  “May I?” Marie-Thérèse motioned to the baby in her arms.

  “Of course. Here, take her. And come sit in the living room for a while.”

  “Thank you.” Marie-Thérèse kissed Nadia tenderly.

  “It seems our little Nadia is very popular today,” Rebekka said as they sat on the sofa.

  “What do you mean?” Marie-Thérèse’s brow furrowed. “Are you upset that I came?”

  “Oh, no. Please don’t think that. I’m glad you came. It’s just that Desirée stopped by a few minutes ago. She wanted to see Nadia.”

  Marie-Thérèse’s eyes widened. “And?”

  “She kissed her and held her and told her to have a good life. Then she left.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Yes.” Rebekka sighed. “I believe she loves Nadia and that she wants to change, but she doesn’t know how.”

  “Maybe this is the beginning for her,” Marie-Thérèse said. “I mean, repentance works in different ways for different people. Desirée never did things the easy way.”

  “But to give up your baby like that.”

  Marie-Thérèse lifted her chin. “It’s one of the noblest things she could do. If you were in her position, could you do it?”

  “I would never be in her position. Never.” Even as she spoke Rebekka realized she was being unfair. Who could say what she would have been like had she faced other trials? Been raised by other parents? But I still wouldn’t be like Desirée, she thought. I would make something of my life.

  “Well, there are thousands of children being raised in homes that are barely adequate. I think Desirée’s showing great responsibility by recognizing that she can’t give her baby what she needs right now.”

  “Maybe she just doesn’t want the work,” Rebekka retorted.

  Marie-Thérèse rubbed the side of her slightly upturned nose. “Maybe. Thank heaven we don’t have to judge.”

  Rebekka grimaced. “Somehow I knew you’d say that. And you’re right—that’s exactly what I’m doing. But I don’t understand her not wanting to have at least some part in Nadia’s life, though I’m sure it’ll be easier for Raoul and Nadia without her. I just wonder what Nadia will make of it years down the road.”

  “I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

  After Marie-Thérèse left, Rebekka fed Nadia and was settling back in bed when Raoul came home. “Sorry I’m late,” he said. “We had an impromptu teacher meeting afterwards. Has it been pretty quiet?”

  “Yeah, like summer at the Eiffel Tower,” muttered Rebekka.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. Just tend your daughter. I need a nap.”

  “Gladly.” Raoul held out his arms for Nadia. “Hello, cutie. I missed you. And so did everyone else. They all want to see you.” He paused at the door. “Oh, that reminds me. André asked after you. He wanted to know if you want him to come over again to talk.”

  Rebekka remembered only too well what kind of “talking” they had done last night. “No,” she said curtly. “I most certainly do not. If he calls, tell him I’ll do all my talking with Samuel.”

  At that she stuck her head under the pillow and tried to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  On Tuesday morning Raoul stuck his head in Rebekka’s door as she was painfully climbing out of bed. “Hey, don’t you have your appointment in a little while?”

  “Yeah. Want to come?”

  Raoul nodded. “Yes, actually. I thought I’d drop Nadia off at Marie-Thérèse’s and tag along. But I’m not too sure I’d better now. My illustrious partner is out there in our kitchen waiting for you. Seems he has some idea of driving you there himself. Thank heaven we hired a COO or our business would be hurting with all these spontaneous mini-vacations we’re taking.”

  Rebekka’s heart lurched inside her chest. She hadn’t seen André since Friday night, though she’d thought a lot about that last turbulent kiss. “Nonsense, you work a ton of overtime, and you have great employees. Hey, Valerie could probably run the whole company alone. That reminds me—have you asked her out yet?”

  “Me?” His face showed genuine surprise. “I have only been divorced a day.”

  “So? It’s not like there’s a waiting period.”

  “Oh. I guess you’re right. Hmm. Maybe I’ll do it today.” He rubbed his chin in thought. “So, what do you want me to tell André? Are you going to let him drive?”

  “I suppose he feels obligated.”

  Raoul shook his head in disagreement, but he kept quiet, for which Rebekka was grateful.

  “Well, I’d rather you come, but I don’t want to hurt André’s feelings.”

  “Then we’ll both go with you. Now get
dressed. I’m going to entertain our restless man out there. Right now little Nadia is doing the honors.”

  Rebekka smiled and shook her head. “I’m not coming out a moment before I have to. André can wait.”

  “Okay, but don’t hold me responsible if he comes in here himself to see what’s going on.”

  Rebekka laughed. “I can handle him.” Strangely enough, she felt it was true. She would put Friday night behind them and go on as though it had never happened.

  “Oh, and by the way,” Raoul said over his shoulder. “He brought you a new plant.”

  * * *

  “Hmm,” said Dr. Samain.

  “What does that mean?” Rebekka asked nervously. The light over the examining table hurt her eyes and the cold jelly on her stomach was uncomfortable, but neither discomfort matched the dread in her heart. If her pain was related to her intestines, why hadn’t the medication permanently taken it away? What else was inside her that she should still feel so many aches? Was her baby at risk?

  “Well, there’s only one baby there, but—”

  Only one baby! Worry consumed Rebekka. If she wasn’t expecting twins, then something must be horribly wrong.

  “—he’s bigger than I expected. But he looks fine, so I think you must be a month further along than we thought.”

  “He?” André asked.

  Dr. Samain nodded. “You did want to know the sex, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.” Rebekka paused, letting the knowledge that she was having Marc’s son sink in. “I think I knew he was boy,” she murmured. “I think I knew it all along.”

  “Mom and Dad are going to be very happy,” André said. “We really need a boy to carry on the Perrault name.”

  “How could I be a month further along?” Rebekka asked, sitting up and wiping off the clear jelly on her stomach with the towel the doctor provided. “I had my cycle like normal the month before I got pregnant—at least I’m pretty sure I did. I mean, I would have noticed since we were trying to have a baby.”

  “It’s not all that common, but some women do have a period or two after becoming pregnant,” the doctor said. “Usually a bit lighter than normal.”