Tomorrow and Always Read online

  They hurried into the emergency room—the most filthy Malcolm had ever seen, with papers and bits of plastic spread over a floor that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in a month. Karissa’s nose wrinkled. “Maybe we should go somewhere else,” she whispered uncertainly when Damon left them briefly.

  She sounded frustrated and close to tears. In the face of her need, Malcolm felt his own strength increase. “I think there might be a reason we’re here,” he said. “Let’s give it a chance.”

  Dr. Schmidt appeared after a tedious forty-five minute wait. He matched Malcolm’s height inch for inch, but he was larger boned. He had nondescript brown hair and eyes, yet his eyelashes were the longest and curliest Malcolm had ever seen on a man or woman.

  “I’m Dr. Schmidt,” he said easily, his wide face cracking into a smile. “This must be little Stephanie.” He turned to the baby, who was lying on an examining table. “Hi there, Stephanie.” As he spoke, he pulled up her shirt and touched her stomach gently with his large hands. Then he pulled his hands away and lowered his face close to her body, studying it.

  “Look at that,” he said. “There appears to be a rolling movement. That’s her stomach trying to push the food through the pyloric valve to the duodenum—the first part of the small intestine.” He straightened. “From what I see here and from her symptoms, she probably has pyloric stenosis. That’s when the muscle around the pyloric valve is too big and won’t allow the stomach to empty through the small intestine, instead causing the food to come back up. If that’s the case, we can correct it with minor surgery. We can’t be sure, however, until we do a few more tests.”

  “Then it’s not too serious?” Malcolm asked.

  “Not the surgery itself. But like I said, we have to make sure that’s what’s really wrong.”

  He transferred Stephanie from the emergency area to a room with four large metal cribs. One stood empty, but the other three were filled with babies—all crying and coughing while their parents looked on miserably. The frequent beeping of the various machines and monitors added to the dismal feeling in the room.

  Karissa settled into a comfortable chair next to Stephanie’s assigned crib, but she wouldn’t put the baby inside.

  “Have you guys eaten?” Damon asked when he came to check on them.

  Karissa didn’t reply.

  “Not since this morning,” Malcolm said.

  “Why don’t you get something to eat?” Damon suggested. “I could stay with Stephanie.”

  “I’m not leaving her again,” Karissa said, looking up at him. “I left her when they put in the IV back on Kodiak. I couldn’t stand another test or to hear her cry again.” Tears squeezed out of the corners of her eyes and made a wet trail down her white face. “Do you think I’m awful for leaving her?” she asked. Before either of them could reply, her words tumbled on. “I deserted her once before, but I won’t do it again. Not now.”

  Damon nodded, shifting uneasily. Malcolm touched her shoulder. “It’s going to be all right.”

  Karissa didn’t reply.

  “I’ll be back later,” Damon said. There was reluctance in his voice. “Please call me if you need anything. Anything at all.”

  Dr. Schmidt came in as Damon left. “I’ve ordered a blood draw, and in the morning we’ll have some more tests.” He smiled confidently.

  A nurse appeared and led them to a treatment room. Karissa held Stephanie as the nurse tried to take the baby’s blood. The first time she was unable to take anything, and the second time, she withdrew only a little. “That’s not enough for the tests,” she said, and tried again. The third time the blood clotted. “That’s a problem with dehydrated babies. The blood is very difficult to get out, and when you do get some, it tends to clot.” She poked Stephanie for a fourth time and took a little more blood.

  Pity wrenched Malcolm as he watched his daughter burst into tears for the fourth time since they had entered the room. Karissa tried to soothe her, but he wondered how long it would be before the baby didn’t believe in her comfort anymore.

  “I don’t think that’s enough blood.” The nurse wanted to try again.

  “It has to be enough,” Karissa said sharply, pulling Stephanie to her chest. Her face was an angry red. “I’m not going to let you poke her again. I won’t. Not tonight, anyway. You do the tests with what you have.”

  The nurse contemplated Karissa’s determined features. She glanced at Malcolm. “No more tonight,” he confirmed. “Let her sleep.” He meant Karissa as much as Stephanie.

  They returned to Stephanie’s room and sat together, watching their daughter drift off to sleep after nursing at Karissa’s breast. The cries of babies, bleeps of the machines, and soft voices of the other parents filled the gap between them.

  With no warning, Delinda Goodrich flounced into the room. “Oh, here you are.” She carried a large paper sack, and her gold bracelets tinkled together as she set it on the floor. “There’s food, magazines, books—everything you’ll need for a hospital stay except clothes.”

  “You flew all the way from Kodiak to bring us this?” Karissa asked. She looked as if she was going to cry.

  “Landsakes no!” Delinda said. “When I heard about what happened, I decided to come and visit my oldest daughter. She lives near here, you know, and she’s always complaining that I don’t get to see my grandchildren enough.”

  Malcolm grasped her hand. “Thanks, Delinda. We’re grateful you’re here.” He was touched beyond expression.

  The woman sniffed. “Oh, go on with you. I told you it’s not because of you. My daughter just needed a visit.”

  But they all knew the truth. Delinda bent and put an arm around Karissa’s shoulders as she sat in the chair, giving a slight squeeze. “I’m here for you,” she whispered. “And so is your Father in Heaven. He loves you.”

  Karissa bit her lip to keep it from trembling. “Thanks, Delinda. I mean it.”

  “I know you do, dear.” Delinda touched Stephanie’s head with a soft hand before leaving.

  Malcolm and Karissa stared after. “She’s a good woman,” Karissa said.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  At six the next morning, a nurse came into the room. “We’ll have to take some new blood,” she said. “All the blood we took last night clotted.”

  Karissa’s face drew tightly, but she didn’t refuse. “Can I nurse her first? She hasn’t eaten since three, and she threw a lot of that up.”

  “No, don’t feed her anything,” the nurse said. “She’s scheduled for an ultrasound at ten, and she has to have an empty stomach.”

  Malcolm helped Karissa to her feet, noting the dark circles under her eyes. This time she let him carry Stephanie to the treatment room.

  The first two times she tried, the nurse succeeded in withdrawing a little blood. The third time she took nothing. Stephanie cried in hopeless wails, and Malcolm blinked back the tears forming in his eyes. The pain she must feel! he thought. And no way to understand why. Dear Lord, please help my daughter!

  As the nurse prepared another needle, Karissa scooped up the crying Stephanie. “No!” she yelled at the nurse through her tears. “Not again. No way! You only have to do three tests for electrolytes. You should have enough blood. For goodness’ sake, she’s only a baby!”

  Karissa headed out the door with Stephanie, and Malcolm followed her, relieved that for the moment at least, Stephanie was safe from the needle.

  “The vampires,” Karissa muttered in the hall.

  Malcolm pulled her to a stop and wiped the tears from her eyes. “My wife, the warrior,” he said lightly. “I never imagined.”

  Her emerald eyes, made even brighter for the sheen of tears, met his gaze. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Malcolm.” Her voice was neither light nor teasing but deadly serious.

  Malcolm felt a shiver crawl up his back. It’s just this situation, he told himself.

  Karissa started again toward Stephanie’s room, but Malcolm went more slowly. He felt a
s if he saw the stark hospital walls and the clean tile through a hazy dream lens. Maybe he would wake up, and this nightmare would be over.

  “Malcolm!” Jesse and Brionney waved to him from the nurses’ station. He waited for them to approach. “We would have come sooner,” Brionney said, “but the kids . . . Where’s Karissa?”

  “She’s in the room,” Malcolm said.

  “How’s she holding up?”

  “I’m not sure,” he admitted. “She seems strong.”

  Brionney grimaced. “What she should be is in bed. This is too much for anyone three weeks after giving birth. She’ll get sick.”

  That was what Malcolm feared. “Can you convince her to rest, do you think? I tell her I’ll stay with the baby, but . . .”

  “Get used to it,” Jesse said, his voice full of pity. “To women, that’s not as good as being there themselves.” He looked after Brionney, as if expecting a comment, but she was intent on reaching Karissa. “Maybe they’re right,” he added as if in afterthought.

  Malcolm, remembering the way Karissa had fought to save Stephanie pain, thought so too.

  “Oh, Brionney!” Karissa exclaimed when she saw them. The women drew their heads close together and talked in quiet, urgent voices. Malcolm and Jesse listened without speaking.

  “I’m so sorry,” Brionney said.

  “Three weeks. She’s three weeks old today and in less than twenty-four hours they’ve poked her with a needle ten times—not to mention that horrible urine test where they have to stick that tube in her. How can she stand more?”

  “She’s got a strong spirit.”

  “They keep wanting more and more blood.”

  “Do they know what’s wrong?”

  “Not yet. Maybe today.”

  “More tests?”

  “An ultrasound. I’m beginning to hate these people.”

  “They’re just doing their jobs.”

  “I know, but Steph doesn’t.”

  “One day she will.”

  “Yes, but I found out today that this is a teaching hospital. It makes me so mad to think of them practicing on my baby!”

  “It was the only place available,” Malcolm put in. “And Dr. Schmidt, at least, is experienced.”

  “It still makes me mad!”

  Brionney rubbed Karissa’s arm sympathetically. “Tell me, what can I do to help?”

  “No one can help. It’s my fault. You and I both know I deserve this.”

  Brionney drew back slightly. “That’s not true. No matter what, that’s not true.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  Malcolm wanted to ask what they were talking about. Why would Karissa feel so strongly that Stephanie’s problem was her fault? She’d mentioned this to him once before, but he had dismissed it as a normal tendency for mothers when their babies were not born perfect. Now Karissa’s feelings seemed to go beyond all reason.

  “At least we’re off the island.” Karissa spoke vehemently, a shadow of guilt passing over her pale face as she glanced at him. With a flash of understanding, Malcolm realized that despite their closeness in the past few months, Karissa still felt imprisoned on Kodiak, not free and alive as he did. His realization brought a deep sadness.

  The Hergarters left after another few minutes, promising to return later. “Please call if you need me,” Brionney begged.

  “I will,” Karissa said. Malcolm knew she didn’t mean it. He could at least read his wife that well.

  The same nurse who had drawn Stephanie’s blood that morning came into the room. Her expression was wary. “We are going to need a urine test to check for a bladder infection.”

  Karissa closed her eyes, as if gathering strength. “She had one yesterday on Kodiak,” she said calmly. “Those results should be in sometime today. You can use those.”

  “I’ll go check with the doctor.”

  “Thank you.” Malcolm could see Karissa was holding back her anger.

  The doctor confirmed that the results from the first test could be used, as well as some of the other tests Dr. Fairfax had ordered on Kodiak. Malcolm felt grateful Karissa had asked, saving little Stephanie further pain.

  After eleven, the nurse still had not come to take Stephanie for the ultrasound. “What’s taking them so long?” Karissa asked as she paced near the metal crib with the crying baby in her arms. “Steph hasn’t eaten since three this morning. She’s hungry. I can’t believe this!”

  “I’ll go and ask them to hurry,” Malcolm said, grateful for something to do.

  For all his efforts, it was noon before they took Stephanie for her ultrasound. She was cranky and hungry, but the nurse was very gentle and the baby didn’t cry. Karissa’s face relaxed, and she let Malcolm take her hand.

  “Everything looks normal,” said the nurse.

  Malcolm wasn’t sure if that was good. If Stephanie’s problem wasn’t pyloric stenosis as the doctor suspected, then what was wrong? Could it be even more serious?

  By one-thirty they were back in Stephanie’s room, and Karissa nursed the baby. “Look how happy and content she is,” Karissa said, love etched unmistakably on her face.

  “And she hasn’t thrown up,” Malcolm added.

  “Not yet.”

  The doctors and nurses left them alone for the afternoon. When Brionney and Jesse returned later that night, Malcolm took a taxi to his parents’ house to shower, shave, and change into some clothes borrowed from his father.

  “How is she?” Faith asked.

  “We don’t know, Mom,” he said. “They’re still trying to find out what’s wrong.”

  “Could I go and stay with her while you and Karissa get some rest?”

  He shook his head. “Karissa won’t let anyone stay with her.”

  “I can hardly fault her for that. Tell her we are all praying for Stephanie, and that we’re having a family fast.”

  “Thanks. I’ll tell her.”

  She hugged him before he left. “I’m proud of you, son. I know it hasn’t been easy coming back to church and getting your life in order. I know Karissa will join you soon.”

  Karissa’s church activity was the farthest from his mind at that moment. “For now, we just need to get through this.”

  “Of course. And we are here to help you. Your father and I will come over in a while to see how you’re doing.”

  Malcolm drove back to the hospital in his mother’s car. Jesse and Brionney had left, but Damon was with Karissa. “It doesn’t seem fair for Steph to have to go through this,” Karissa was saying. “I don’t understand it.”

  “I don’t either,” Damon said, “but maybe we will later.” He saw Malcolm and rose from the chair. “I’ll leave you two alone now.” He touched Karissa’s arm. “You call me if you need anything. It doesn’t matter what time.”

  Karissa smiled. “Thanks, Damon.”

  Damon shook hands with Malcolm before leaving. “See if you can’t get her to sleep a little,” Damon said softly. “She needs it.”

  Malcolm felt his mouth tighten. Why did everyone seem to think that he wasn’t doing his best to take care of Karissa? “I will,” he murmured.

  Damon flashed him a wide smile. Malcolm caught sight of a gold tooth far back in his mouth. It sparkled, making Damon’s grin appeared even wider. Malcolm was glad to see him go.

  Richard and Faith arrived shortly after for a brief visit. Karissa said little to them, but Malcolm saw that she was more relaxed with his parents than she had ever been. She even let Faith hold Stephanie while she visited the restroom.

  Later, Malcolm kissed Karissa and tried to take Stephanie from her arms. “Let me hold her while you sleep a little.”

  “But—”

  “No buts. She’s my daughter too, and I can take care of her tonight. You need to keep your health up for her. Lie down on the blanket. I’ll wake you when she needs to nurse.”

  “Or if the doctor or nurse comes in? Promise?”

  Malcolm couldn’t help his smile. “Of course.”
r />   He passed an uncomfortable but peaceful night in the easy chair. His neck ached from holding Stephanie, and he wondered how Karissa had managed in her weakened condition. Despite the fact that he was holding Stephanie, Karissa seemed to sleep little. Each time he gave the baby to her to nurse, she was already awake and waiting. When her breathing had once told him that she slept, she had suddenly jerked and cried out.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “Just a dream,” she murmured. “Give Steph to me, would you? I need to feel her breathing.”

  She held the baby for a long time before giving her back. Malcolm settled Stephanie on his chest. “She doesn’t seem to be throwing up as much as she normally does,” he commented.

  “Maybe her body will heal itself.”

  Malcolm prayed for it to be so.

  Morning came too soon for all of them. At six-thirty Dr. Schmidt came in with some papers in his hands. “The ultrasound has ruled out pyloric stenosis.”

  “That’s good, isn’t it?” Karissa asked.

  “It depends on what’s really wrong,” Dr. Schmidt said. “We’ll have to wait and see what the X-rays reveal. That’s one of the reasons I came by—to remind you not to feed Stephanie. We need her to be hungry enough to drink the barium before her X-rays today.”

  “How many will she need?” Karissa asked. “I don’t want her exposed to too much radiation.”

  “Three or four,” Dr. Schmidt said. “At low dosages. Don’t worry. We’ll take good of your daughter.”

  Later, they fed Stephanie the white chalky fluid that would show up in the X-rays, allowing the doctors to trace the path of her digestive system, and took her to radiology. After twenty X-rays, Malcolm lost count. Karissa’s face drooped, and her eyes were desolate. “They don’t seem to be finding anything,” she whispered.

  When they were allowed to return to Stephanie’s room, Karissa said nothing. She held and nursed their daughter as if each moment were her last. Malcolm prayed as fervently as he knew how. I promise to face anything you throw my way, Father, he said silently. Just please help Stephanie.