This Very Moment Page 20

  “Everything is going to be fine,” I said. “In a few months, when we’re sitting inside your mortgage-free house playing with your little baby, we’ll laugh about this.”

  “Oh, Tessa. Are you sure?” The tone in her voice told me she was smiling.

  “I’m sure. Don’t worry about a thing.”

  “I love you, Tessa.”

  “Love you, too.”

  I hung up but remained sitting in the tall weeds, my back against the tree, staring into nothingness. Serenity nuzzled my head in worry. “It’s all right, girl.”

  But it wasn’t.

  I have to think. Why couldn’t I think? I kept seeing my mother’s face drawn in disapproval and my father’s flushed with anger. Lily sick in bed, her girls sleeping in the streets. Julian’s smile—mocking. I rubbed my face with my hands, and they came away wet. I hadn’t even realized I was crying.

  The creak of the back gate signaled someone’s approach. “Tessa? Are you okay?” A man’s voice, one I recognized.

  I hurriedly dried my face with the hem of my shirt before he came into view around the trees.

  “Oh, there you are.” He was a tall, broad, scruffy-looking man with restful green eyes. I thought he was nearing forty, but it was hard to tell with the brown beard and the hair that fell to below his ears. He lived in one of the tract houses, and many times over the last year, I’d caught him petting Serenity over the fence. I didn’t mind because, except for the groom who fed her after I moved away, she didn’t have company.

  “Hi, Gage.” I knew little more than his name, though we’d talked on numerous occasions. The rumor around town said he was an ex-con, recently released from prison, though no one seemed to know what he might have been in prison for and were too lazy or unbelieving to research it. My mother had checked with the local police to make sure he wasn’t on any child predator list, which he wasn’t, but she still would have taken up a petition to force him from the neighborhood, had it been possible. I was glad she’d deemed it a waste of time. Over the months of talking to him and seeing his gentleness with Serenity, I doubted the rumors were true. I suspected only his shaggy appearance kept the gossip alive.

  “I saw Serenity, and she was looking kind of nervous. Thought maybe you’d had a fall.”

  “Ah, Gage, she’s not even wearing a saddle, and I don’t ride bareback. Not usually.”

  He looked at the sorrel. “Oh, right.” He gave me a tentative smile, which didn’t have much effect on his face under all that hair. “Well, as long as you’re okay. But shouldn’t you be shopping or at the hairdresser or something? You’re still getting married Saturday, aren’t you?”

  I closed my eyes for a painful moment. I wondered if he’d heard the rumors about Julian, and if he felt sorry for me. “I don’t know.”

  An emotion I couldn’t define passed over his face. In a swift movement, he squatted down beside me. “What happened?”

  “What makes you think something happened?”

  He gestured to the grass. “Because you’re sitting in a bunch of weeds two days before your wedding, looking like you wished a hole would open up and swallow you.”

  A hole would be nice, except then how would I help Lily? My father had hundreds of applications for each job opening in his factory, and I knew that other companies were just as flooded. None would want to pay me what I’d earned with my father, and my degree in liberal arts now seemed rather useless. Of course, I’d never thought I’d actually have to find a job outside the family business.

  A burst of anger blotted out the despair. How could I have been so stupid? Lily had at least tried to become independent, while I’d stayed reliant on my family. Now they controlled my life—and they wanted me to marry Julian.

  No!

  For a moment the hurt and betrayal were too great to endure. Yet I didn’t die, and after a moment the pain receded enough to breathe again, and I knew what I had to do. I arose, brushing my hands on my pants. “I’m getting married,” I said, “but not to my fiancé.”

  Gage’s eyes narrowed as he stood. “What are you talking about?” At that moment he looked hard, like a man who actually might have served time.

  “He’s a liar and a cheat, and I’m getting out, even if I have to hitchhike my way to Las Vegas and marry the first man I meet.”

  “That’s crazy.”

  “So is marrying someone who doesn’t love you.”

  “At least you know him. Don’t you think marrying some stranger in Las Vegas would be even worse?”

  “Not if it’s a business arrangement. Temporary.” Take that, Mother. I was a quick learner. I’d find a way around the trust fund requirements because I knew if my grandfather were alive, he’d be the first one to help Lily, and he certainly wouldn’t see me married to a man who would betray me. He’d been faithful to my grandmother not only for all the time they were married, but for twenty years after she was gone.

  I stuck out my hand to Gage. “It’s been nice knowing you, Gage. I hope you have a wonderful life.”

  His hand swallowed mine with a strength that made me slightly uneasy. “What about Serenity?”

  Serenity had been a constant in my life for seven years, but I couldn’t see walking down the Las Vegas strip with a horse in tow, looking for a likely marriage candidate. If managed to get the trust fund, I could move Serenity to wherever I ended up. Maybe I could buy the field next to Lily’s house. That is, if my parents didn’t sell the horse first.

  I bit my lip, tears smarting in my eyes. “She’ll be okay here for now.”

  I turned to go, but Gage’s hand shot out to grab my arm. I felt a momentary shiver of fear, and he must have seen it in my eyes because he dropped his hand instantly. “Sorry. I just—are you in trouble? Is there something I can do to help?” He was uniquely appealing at the moment, a mix of little boy and wild-looking ex-con. I hadn’t noticed how tall he was before or how broad his chest, and I wondered what he looked like under all that facial hair.

  I forced a smile. “How about a ride to Las Vegas?” My old car had been sold, and the new one, a wedding gift from Julian’s parents, wasn’t scheduled to arrive until after Julian and I returned from our honeymoon. “I’m kidding. Look, thanks for your concern, but everything is fine. I’m not the first woman to have her heart broken.”

  He arched a brow, and I noticed he had nice brows. Expressive. “You look more mad than heartbroken.”

  He was wrong. My heart did hurt. I hated knowing that I wasn’t enough for Julian, that he didn’t love me the way I loved him. Yes, I was also furious at him, and at my parents, but most of all at myself. I was the reason I was in this mess, the reason Lily was in danger. I’d trusted the wrong man.

  “Then you don’t know me very well,” I told Gage. “Good-bye. It really has been nice knowing you.”

  I could feel his eyes on me as I left. Grabbing Serenity’s mane, I pulled myself up on her bare back and let her take me to the other side of the pasture.

  “I’ll miss you more than anyone here,” I whispered, giving her the last cube of sugar in my pocket. “But I’ll be back some day. I promise.”

  END OF SAMPLE CHAPTER. Please visit the Kindle store to buy Tell Me No Lies. Or continue on to read the sample chapter of This Time Forever. A list of all books by Rachel Ann Nunes can be found in the About the Author section after the next sample chapter.

  This Time Forever

  by Rachel Ann Nunes

  CHAPTER ONE

  Sometimes Mickelle Hansen wished she had never married. Eternity was a long time to spend with someone she often didn’t like very much. Of course, she didn’t tell anyone her deepest thought; in fact, only recently had she begun to admit it to herself, and then only on days like this, when everything—absolutely everything—seemed to go wrong. Feeling this way about her marriage went against all she had ever been taught, and against all her dreams. Deep down, she loved Riley, but when she’d exchanged vows with him, she’d never expected their life together to be
so difficult.

  She stared at the pile of dirty laundry filling a corner of the unfinished basement where the washer and dryer stood like mismatched sentinels, witnesses to her newest dilemma. For two weeks the washing machine had refused to work, and she’d been cleaning the most necessary items in the bathtub. Her neighbor, who had already fixed the washer twice as a favor, had told her this time that it wasn’t worth fixing again. “You need a new one,” he had declared, shaking his graying head.

  She’d hoped Riley would do something about finding a machine, but wasn’t surprised when he didn’t. Instead, his solution was for her to go to the Laundromat. Indefinitely.

  Dutifully, Mickelle piled clothes in several large baskets and took them to the ancient Ford station wagon that gleamed a dull gold in her driveway. Secretly she called it the Snail, but she never said it aloud the way she once would have. It was too real to joke about.

  Outside, the late April weather was warm and filled with sunshine. A beautiful, perfect day. There were a few clouds to the east that would probably bring showers that night or the next day, but Mickelle didn’t mind the rain. Her peas, planted early last month, needed the moisture.

  She drove to the Laundromat in downtown American Fork near her home. While the place wasn’t overly dirty, there was a certain air of depression and despair about it. She could have endured that, as she had so many other things, but she balked when she considered the cost of washing her family’s clothes each week. They only had two children, but Riley was a large man, wide if not tall, and the dirty clothes he generated took up half the space in each load. Then there were Jeremy’s sheets, still wet several nights of the week. In the long run, buying a machine would save time and money. She’d suggested as much to Riley last week, but his mind was made up.

  Moving past the dryers, she caught sight of a faint reflection in the glass. A slender woman with smooth, honey-blond hair, blue eyes, and a pinched face stared back at her. Could that weary-looking woman really be her? Rebellion surged inside her heart. Why did Riley have to be so stubborn?

  She left the Laundromat and took the clothes instead to her older sister’s house in Provo, feeling like an idiot and glad that her two sons were in school and couldn’t witness the lies or half-truths she might be forced to tell.

  “Mickelle! What happened?” Talia looked with surprise at the laundry Mickelle carried. “My washing machine broke again. This time for good. I was going to the Laundromat but couldn’t bear the thought of hanging out there. Do you mind terribly if I use yours? I brought soap.”

  “Of course you can!” Talia took the basket out of her hands. “You shouldn’t have even thought about going to the Laundromat. What are sisters for? You can use my machine—and my soap, for that matter—whenever you want.”

  “Well, it’s only for today. I’m sure Riley will get me a new one soon.” Mickelle nearly choked on the lie, but Talia didn’t seem to notice. “I’d better get the rest.”

  She headed back to the car, wishing she could toss off the sadness that seemed to eat at her heart. Why couldn’t she face her trials with a better outlook? Why was she so weak?

  Inside the house, she found Talia sorting the laundry into piles with her quick hands. Mickelle joined her, feeling her burden lighten.

  “You know,” Talia said casually, “last night I saw some ads in the paper for washing machines. I haven’t thrown it out yet. Want to look?” At Mickelle’s nod, she disappeared from the laundry room.

  Mickelle finished the sorting, put in a load of whites, and started the machine. The room had ample space for the appliances, as well as an extra refrigerator and a long counter which held seven large baskets—one for each member of the family. She knew even Talia’s six-year-old folded and put away her own clothing. Mickelle thought she might try something similar at her own house. Riley, of course, wouldn’t have the time or inclination to do his, but the boys would. A pity she didn’t have a nice room like this. Mickelle stopped the thought there, unwilling to let envy enter her heart. Talia was a wonderful person, and Mickelle was glad that she and Joe could afford such a nice house.

  “Here they are.” Talia came into the room with the same newspaper Mickelle had noticed at the Laundromat. “At Sears. Look at this—only three hundred dollars, and it’s a super capacity. A bare-bones model, but still super capacity. You’ll need that for Jeremy’s sheets. Looks like a good deal to me.”

  “A lot cheaper than going to the Laundromat forever,” Mickelle agreed.

  Talia threw back her blond head and laughed. “You’re so funny. What a waste—who would do that? Besides, you deserve a new machine. Aren’t you still using the old one Mom gave you when you got married?”

  Mickelle smiled weakly. “You know me, frugal to a fault.”

  “Come on, let’s go have a snack while we’re waiting for the clothes.”

  “Maybe I should zip down to Sears and see about a machine.”

  “Why don’t you let Riley worry about that?”

  Mickelle swallowed hard. “He’s been busy. Working overtime, you know.” She didn’t mention how much they needed the money.

  “That’s great of him, working more so you don’t have to.”

  Mickelle wondered what her sister would say if she told her that even though Riley worked a lot, she hadn’t seen any of the extra income. Mostly it went to pay for the new stereo system he’d installed in his truck. “I wish he could get a better job,” she said instead. “Although they have promised him a promotion. The pay just isn’t that great until you get into upper management.”

  “Yeah. Department stores aren’t known for their high-paying jobs.”

  How well Mickelle knew that! Years ago, she’d urged Riley to go back to school so he could find a better job, but he’d refused.

  “If you want to go down to Sears, I’ll wash your clothes for you,” Talia offered.

  Mickelle knew she should look into buying a used machine, but she didn’t have enough cash. Buying it on credit seemed the only way. And suddenly, more than anything, she wanted a new washer, One that had never washed anyone else’s clothing. Something that was all hers.

  “Mickelle, did you hear me?” Talia said. “I’ll wash your clothes if you want to run to Sears.”

  “Would you? You don’t have to dry them. My dryer still works.”

  Talia laughed. “Yeah, right. I can just see you taking home baskets full of wet clothes. Very funny. I wish you’d come over more often. You make me laugh.”

  “Well, my toaster isn’t working so well,” Mickelle replied dryly. “How about if I come over every morning for breakfast?” Talia broke into laughter once again. Mickelle remembered a time when she had made everyone laugh, but she hadn’t found much to joke about these past few years.

  Chuckling herself, she drove straight to Sears, found the least expensive washing machine, and put it on her credit card. The salesman promised to have it delivered the next day. Mickelle felt good, even excited, as she drove back to her sister’s house. She told herself Riley would understand.

  He didn’t. “You shouldn’t have gone that,” he said that evening, his face turning so red that Mickelle thought he closely resembled a tomato with a rotten brown stem for hair. “I told you we didn’t have enough money.”

  She’d waited until the two boys were in bed before telling him about her purchase. She’d almost not mentioned it at all but decided that even Riley would notice when a new machine turned up in the basement.

  “It’s going to save us money in the long run,” she pointed out.

  “That doesn’t matter.” His tongue wet his lips, and he flexed his large hands. “I can’t believe you went against what I told you. I’m the head of our family, aren’t I?”

  At that, her anger flared. “Well, you go to the Laundromat every week then. I don’t have the time! I can’t believe you’d want me to do that, anyway!” Joe would never expect it of Talia. Tears of hurt filled her eyes, and she quickly ran to the bathroom, hoping
the children were asleep and couldn’t hear their fight.

  Riley didn’t speak to her for three days, except to ask what was for dinner. At least his silence meant that he didn’t comment again about the washing machine or her insubordination. She noticed that while he might not have approved of buying the machine, he wore the clothes she washed in it.

  The third night of the silent treatment, Mickelle felt close to a nervous breakdown. She wished there was someone she could talk to, but she’d kept up the facade of a happy marriage for so long that she didn’t know how to discuss her problems, especially with her parents or sisters.

  After dinner, the family sat in front of the television in the living room. Mickelle lounged on the sofa with the boys, and Riley settled into his easy chair. Next to him was a mound of newspapers that would grow until Mickelle could no longer stand it and would haul them to the recycling bin.

  In the corner, her curio cabinet nearly reached the ceiling. She and Riley had been married fourteen years, and it was the only piece of furniture they had that wasn’t a hand-me-down from her mother or sisters or a cheap piece made of particle board. She’d bought it on sale eight years ago, the month after Jeremy was born. In it she collected roses made of metal, crystal, porcelain, wood, or even clay. The ones she had purchased herself were inexpensive, found either at yard sales or on clearance at the department store where Riley worked. Many had been gifts from family and friends—even the boys had made her clay roses in school. All were treasured and brought her much joy. Her favorites were the crystal rose she had picked out for the top of her wedding cake and the hand-painted porcelain Capodimonte long-stemmed red rose Riley had given her for their first anniversary. Mickelle had always loved roses, but the real things were so expensive and died so quickly. In her collection, she could have them forever.

  Contemplating the curio cabinet and its contents usually gave her satisfaction, but not tonight. She sighed, her heart heavy with melancholy. Jeremy noticed her depression and put his thin arms around her neck. Even at eight he was very sensitive to her moods. “I love you, Mommy,” he whispered. Her arms tightened around him, and she touched her head gratefully against his blond locks.