Tomorrow and Always Page 12

  She was too happy with her life to dwell on the subject for long. Her hand fell from the keyboard to her flat stomach. “Hello, little one,” she said aloud, then laughed at the silliness of it.

  * * * * *

  Karissa arrived home later in the day, still smiling but feeling uneasy about not being able to reach Malcolm by telephone. The urge to tell him the good news about the baby burned inside her. As she exited her truck, she heard a car door slam in front of the house and someone call out, “Wait, Karissa!”

  She turned to see Delinda Goodrich hurrying up the walk and into the open garage. Her daughter June came behind more slowly, holding the hand of a little boy about Camille’s age. His red hair was an even brighter orange-red than June’s. “How lucky you’re home,” Delinda said, puffing slightly at the exertion.

  Luck, Karissa knew, had little to do with it. Delinda was nothing, if not persistent. “I’m just getting home from work,” she said with a touch of coldness.

  “Oh, good. Then you can sit in on our lesson with Brionney. We’re so glad to catch you both at home.”

  “Brionney knows you’re coming?”

  Delinda drew herself up to her full height, still a head shorter than Karissa. “Yes, she does.”

  “We brought her something,” June said, holding up a brown-wrapped rectangular package. Her pale eyes watered, but she didn’t look away.

  Karissa relaxed and turned back toward the kitchen door to hide her smile. “And who’s this little boy?”

  “That’s my youngest, Germ,” Delinda said, following her into the house.

  “You call him Germ?”

  “It’s not his real name, but he won’t answer to any other.” Delinda shrugged, and her gold necklace caught the dim light in the kitchen, coming from the windows overlooking the greenhouse. “You gotta let them be themselves.”

  Before Karissa could reply, Savannah, Camille, and Rosalie raced into the garage, followed closely by Malcolm. “You’re finally here!” exclaimed Rosalie. “We been waiting all day!”

  “Come on,” Savannah urged, her pale face flushing with excitement. Camille said nothing but danced from one foot to the other. She grabbed Karissa’s hand and pulled.

  “What’s going on?” Karissa asked Malcolm. “I’ve been calling you, but there’s been no answer. I was worried.”

  He smiled so she could see all his teeth, a row of stark white in his tanned face. “I’ve been working. I left the cell phone in the studio.”

  “I saw the doctor today,” she said. The girls abruptly grew quiet, sensing the seriousness of the situation.

  “And?”

  Karissa glanced at the crowd around her. “Excuse us a minute?”

  “No problem,” Delinda replied. “Where’s Brionney?”

  Malcolm smiled. “She’s in the greenhouse. Girls, will you show her the way?” Karissa opened her mouth to protest, but closed it again when Malcolm grabbed her hand.

  “Well?” he asked when they were gone.

  “Everything’s going great. So far, it looks as though we’re having this baby.”

  “Yes!” He jumped into the air. “I knew it!” He kissed her, and this time he tasted different, not as acrid as usual. A few moments passed until she realized that his breath was devoid of the customary smoke residue, and also of the mints he normally used to cover the smell.

  “Why don’t you go into the greenhouse for your lesson?” Malcolm said suddenly. “Brionney wanted me to stick one of her casseroles in the oven.”

  Karissa sighed. “I guess I’d better make sure Germ isn’t destroying the plants.”

  “Germ?” he asked.

  “It’s a long story.”

  She wandered down the hall to the laundry room and through the door the girls had left open. What she saw made her stop and stare, her mouth falling open.

  “Do you like it?” Malcolm came from behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

  In the sandbox was the largest set of play tubes she’d ever seen. It went up and over and down, and had dozens of nooks with Plexiglas windows where the children could wave down to them. Rosalie had her face pressed up against one of these, making her nose resemble a baby pig’s snout. At the bottom end of one of the tubes, just outside the large circle of sand, there was a cage filled with hundreds of tiny balls. Germ was inside, laughing and throwing them about wildly. Overhead, Camille and Savannah swung back and forth in a huge round ball that vaguely resembled a spaceship. Rosalie pulled her face from the window and crawled up the adjoining flexi-tube to meet them.

  “Jesse and I are putting up the swings now,” Malcolm said, propelling her forward. “They go over the right side of the sandbox under that tube—see the empty space? Oh, yeah . . . we couldn’t get the ball cage to fit inside the sandbox so we had to put it on the walkway outside—it was just the right size. Well, we did have to move a few of your plants to get it to fit, but we replanted them over on the other side. Camille watered them.” He turned her around and held her close. “You do love it, don’t you, Karissa? I had it especially designed after your first positive test. I paid extra to get it here so quickly. You’re not mad about the plants, are you? Why don’t you say something?”

  She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but it wouldn’t go down. She wasn’t mad about the play tubes being erected in the sandbox; she had designed the greenhouse with that very thing in mind. Nor was she upset about them moving the plants or not telling her what they’d planned, though that had been her first inclination. What she did feel was an overwhelming love for Malcolm at his thoughtfulness and his excitement at the possibility of their children one day playing here. “I love it,” she managed finally.

  He hugged her joyfully. “Oh, Karissa,” he whispered in her ear, “we’re going to fill this place with children, just as we always planned.”

  They walked farther into the greenhouse. “So did the tests come back?” Brionney asked eagerly, turning from her conversation with Delinda. One hand rested on her growing stomach.

  Karissa nodded. “The baby seems to be doing fine.”

  “A baby! Oh, landsakes! I’m so happy for ya.” Delinda hugged Karissa. “Having a baby, why that’s exciting! They’re hard work, but fun.”

  Karissa looked at the children and smiled, pushing back her hair.

  Delinda continued, “Pretty soon you’ll be getting the Mormon Mommy Haircut—”

  “The what?”

  “The Mormon Mommy Haircut,” Delinda replied, and Karissa heard the capitalization in her voice. The visiting teacher ran her hands through her short auburn locks. Her dangling earrings each held a shiny blue sapphire. “That’s when ya finally give up your long hair. Usually somewhere around the fourth child.”

  Brionney nodded, touching the white-blonde locks whose ends barely brushed her shoulders. “I used to have even longer hair. And I’m going to cut it all off when the twins are born. It’s in the way, especially with having a baby around.”

  “That’s why I call it the Mormon Mommy Haircut. Once it’s short, you’ll never go back to long.”

  Karissa laughed. “Then I make a vow never to give in.”

  “Oh, it’s not giving in. It’s just going with the flow instead of swimming upstream.” Delinda rubbed her blunt hands, looking back and forth between Malcolm and Karissa. “Landsakes, a baby! Pretty soon you’ll be staying awake half the night and playing the I-can-clean-that-diaper-in-so-many-wipes game. Yes, sir, good times are just around the corner.” From her voice, Karissa couldn’t tell if she was serious or teasing.

  “I don’t play that game,” Jesse said, coming up behind them.“Brionney would win every time.”

  “To him, all diapers are at least six-wipe diapers,” Brionney explained dryly. “You should see him piling them up in his hand so he doesn’t get anything on him. We go through more wipes that way.”

  Jesse shuddered. “Six wipes is about right. It keeps my fingernails clean.”

  Delinda chuckled, en
joying every minute of the exchange. “With twins there’ll be plenty of diapers to go around.” Her brown eyes focused on Karissa. “But the haircut and the wipe game are only the beginning. Before long, you’ll be rolling up your breasts like socks and sticking them in your bra—I read that somewhere, and boy, is it true!”

  Brionney looked embarrassed, but she nodded in agreement. Malcolm and Jesse suddenly became intensely interested in finishing the swing set.

  “What about the casserole?” Karissa called after them.

  Brionney started for the door. “I’ll put it in.”

  “All this reminds me of our lesson this month,” Delinda said.

  I’ll bet, Karissa thought as Brionney paused in her flight. Delinda was a master at weaving the lesson into any conversation.

  “We have something for ya,” June said, handing the package to Brionney with a shy smile. Despite her lack of friendship with the visiting teachers, Karissa felt odd at seeing that smile. June had never smiled at her. Not ever.

  Brionney put her arm around the girl. “Thank you so much! I can’t wait to see what it is.”

  Karissa already knew.

  She followed the women slowly out of the greenhouse, glancing once more over her shoulder at the play equipment. Malcolm had stopped working and was watching her, an enigmatic smile on his full lips. His gray eyes were softer than she had ever seen them.

  “I love you,” he mouthed.

  Would he if he knew her secret? The happiness Karissa experienced all day dissipated like heat in a strong breeze. Now she felt as though she walked a tightrope in a circus tent, and one false move would send her and their relationship, built as it was on falsehood, crashing to the hard dirt floor. Once it hadn’t mattered, but now it did because she knew she loved him. She waved at Malcolm and turned quickly, hoping he wouldn’t see her fear.

  That night, the dream came as it hadn’t since she had quit smoking. The baby Karissa carried in her arms hit her head on the door frame and looked at her sadly. “Why? Why?” she asked. “I would have made you whole.” Then she died.

  “No! It’s just a dream!” Karissa screamed. “I didn’t hit your head.”

  But the baby didn’t hear.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The late-September air held more than a hint of cold, and they conceded to the weather enough to wear warm jackets on their outing to Pillar Mountain. The little girls carried small tin buckets Brionney and Karissa had bought them at Safeway, and Jesse hefted the large picnic basket, filled to nearly overflowing with food and goodies. On his back he had also tied a blanket and a folding chair for his wife. Malcolm’s arms were full, too, with plastic sacks of soda cans and old beer bottles. Over his shoulder he carried the Winchester Magnum, and the Colt Mustang rode in the holster around his waist. In his faded Levis and his old flannel jacket, he felt like something out of a cowboy movie. Even his worn leather hiking boots added to the effect.

  There was a place for target shooting up ahead, and he planned to show the girls how it was done. He wished he had more bottles—they made a better show—but since he and Karissa had given up drinking, they had to make do with a few catsup bottles and what they had managed to collect from their remote neighbors.

  The clear blue of the sky burst in on his senses, as if everything was sky, or wanted to be. There was a slight breeze whispering through the lustrous green of the bushes and long grass. He remembered the sound from his childhood. The wind and grass called his name and promised to show him wonders he had never imagined. And he had never been disappointed. Kodiak was everything a child could dream of. Part of him longed to lie in the green grass and stare forever at the sky.

  “Is it far?” Savannah walked slowly by her mother with an arm around her for support, but looked longingly after her sisters, who danced on ahead, laughing and swinging their buckets.

  “Not far now,” Malcolm replied, squinting in the sun, which was still warm enough to keep them comfortable.

  “I’m okay, Savannah,” Brionney said, smiling down at her daughter. Her round eyes were the same color as the sky, certainly her best feature. She was quite heavy now, being eight months pregnant with her twins. “Don’t worry. If I was going to go into labor because of the ride up, I would have done it by now. Go on ahead. I’ll call if I need you.” Brionney gave her daughter a gentle push. Savannah hesitated only a brief second before flitting away to join her sisters.

  “Are you sure?” Hunched over with the weight of the picnic basket, Jesse looked worriedly at his wife.

  “Landsakes,” said Brionney, mimicking Delinda Goodrich. “I swear you people are worse than mother hens. I haven’t been out of the house for nearly a month—or out of bed for a week. And you would have thought I was a piece of precious china, the way Malcolm crept up that road back there. For the last time, I’m all right! If I had stayed home one more minute, I would have gone insane!”

  “Well, we had to go slow anyway with Jesse and the girls in the bed of the truck,” Karissa said. “Either way, we’d hate to have something go wrong on our last outing before your babies come.” Karissa was three months along now, but unlike Brionney, she didn’t show in the slightest. She walked with an easy, relaxed stride, and her tanned face was happy.

  Jesse shifted his load. “The girls’ll be sad not to have you around so much.”

  “Are you sure you want to move to Anchorage?” Malcolm asked.

  “Well, with having twins and all, we want to be closer to a hospital,” Jesse said. “The doctor says the babies could come early. Besides, I’ve only got a few contracts left to finish before we head back to Utah—and most of those are in Anchorage. Damon Wolfe put me onto those. And we’re thinking about starting our own software company. He’s a smart guy, that Damon.”

  “They say everything he touches turns to gold,” Karissa said. “The man is wealthier than I’ve ever cared to be.”

  Malcolm felt a twinge of jealousy at the admiration in her voice. “Money’s not everything.”

  “Goodness, I know that.” Her tone implied that Malcolm was missing the point. “I feel sorry for him. His wife passed away just before we moved here, and he’s lonely. He’s got two great kids, too. Occasionally he brings them when he comes out.” Malcolm didn’t know Karissa had met Damon’s children, and it bothered him that she had never mentioned it before.

  A few puffy clouds like white marshmallows appeared on the horizon, giving relief to the absolute blue. A bald eagle swooped majestically overhead, and Malcolm wished he had brought his video camera instead of his regular one. He stopped and snapped a picture anyway.

  “Here we are,” Karissa announced. “Isn’t this where you brought me last year?”

  “More or less,” Malcolm said, looking around. To the east he could see the ocean going forever until it curved out of sight over the horizon. Of course, there was land across that wide icy expanse, but it was too far away to see. The isolation was one of the reasons he loved Kodiak Island.

  If they moved closer to the edge of Pillar Mountain, they would be able to see parts of the city of Kodiak in the northeast. “Did you ever see anything so beautiful?” he asked. The others nodded, and he was glad they didn’t say anything to spoil the moment.

  Then Karissa spoke, her voice a whisper in the crisp air. “It’s very lonely.”

  “It’s isolated,” he answered, “that’s all.” There was a pristine beauty in this untouched world. Why couldn’t she see that? He ached for her to understand why he loved this land, why it called out to his soul.

  “Can we pick the berries now?” the girls begged.

  Malcolm pretended to take offense. “Don’t you want to go shooting with me?”

  “After we pick berries,” Savannah informed him gravely.

  Brionney laughed. “Sorry, Malcolm. They’ve never picked lingan berries before.”

  “Cranberries,” he corrected. “We call ’em cranberries.”

  “But they’re much better,” Karissa said, setting
down the water cooler she carried. “Come on, girls, let’s try those bushes over there.” She pointed to the north. “If the people haven’t picked them all.”

  “Or the bears,” Jesse joked.

  Other than the sudden frown, Karissa ignored his comment. Malcolm was glad he hadn’t said it, although it had been on the tip of his tongue.

  “Are there really bears?” Savannah asked, shivering deliciously.

  “They like to stick to the wildlife refuge,” Karissa said, moving off. “Hurry up. Maybe we’ll find some salmon berries, too.”

  The girls scampered after Karissa, while the rest set down their gear. Brionney spread the blanket in a clearing where the grass looked particularly soft. Jesse helped her, then placed her chair nearby and settled her into it. “Rest a bit,” he ordered. “Please?”

  Brionney laughed. “Okay, you nut, but I feel fine.”

  Malcolm turned away from their tender moment and went to pick berries with Karissa and the girls. To the north and slightly west, he could see the mountain range called the Three Sisters: Faith, Hope, and Charity. Beyond them and to the right he could see Monashka Bay. Although he was too far away, he imagined the rocky beaches interspersed by patches of soft sand. Wonder rushed through him as it always did when he was on Pillar Mountain. There were places on Kodiak that were more beautiful, but none that lived so vividly in both his present and childhood memories.

  I’ll bring my child here next year, he thought. As if sensing his thoughts, Karissa smiled at him. He realized that he’d been wrong earlier; her pregnancy did show in the glow on her face and in the way the hollows beneath her cheekbones were filling in.

  “What do you see?” she asked, gazing toward Monashka Bay.

  “I’m seeing the past and the future,” he replied. “I think next year they’ll meet here.” She couldn’t possibly know what he was talking about, but he felt surprised when her face darkened a shade.